Lost and Found: A Novel - Chapter Three.
London 2018.
Fred, one of the oldest college porters, was directing his young assistant Willie as they packed Tom's belongings into boxes.
'Put the books in the small boxes', said Fred. 'If you overload the big boxes with books you'll do your back an injury when you try to lift them.'
Willie nodded his understanding, but still tried to put too many books into the small boxes. The porters loaded the boxes onto trolleys, then took them down to the lodge at the college main entrance. There a man and his van that Tom had hired loaded them and took them to his home in Wood Green.
Tom was not going to admit it, but Cora Shelton had been right. Once he threw out all the non-essential items that he had accumulated in twenty years residence in his room, the significant items could be removed in two days.
It was the second day and the room was much less cluttered. Just a desk and chairs, filing cabinets, bookcases, and some last piles of books remained. Willie was still trying to put too many books in each box. One book fell out and landed on the floor almost at Tom's feet.
He picked it up. The substantial volume was old and worn. The book was about the Portuguese seaborne empire. It was regarded as a classic work in its day and Tom still found it useful as a source. He opened the book and looked at the title page. There was an inscription across the top: 'To Tom, with all my love, from Kate.'
Tom realised it was the first book Kate had ever given him, all those years ago. He already had a copy when she gave it to him, but he had not told her. That was in the days when their love was new and passions were strong. Kate had promised Tom a new beginning.
Mary. Tom's first wife, had been another academic. Friends said they were perfect for each other as they had so much in common, but that was the problem. With similar academic interests, they were soon applying for the same university jobs. Before long they became rivals and their relationship began to suffer.
They both applied for a good job at Manchester University and Mary was successful in getting it. As a Lancashire girl it would be like coming home. Tom, however, wanted to stay in London. He was already doing part time teaching at the college of London University that would eventually give him a permanent post. For some months they travelled back and forth. Tom to Manchester, then Mary to London, but both knew this could not go on for long. Eventually Mary came down from Manchester and told Tom the bad news face to face. She had found a new lover up north and wanted a divorce. Tom did not resist. Looking back, Tom almost admired her for meeting him to break the bad news. Today she would probably have sent a text message to his phone ending their marriage.
Mary said they would remain friends. The old lie. Instead they quickly slipped out of each other's lives. Now Tom only knew her through her academic publications and the occasional awkward encounters at academic conferences. He found new love in the arms of Kate, whose passion warmed his cold isolation in 'Siberia'.
During the Blitz German bombs had destroyed several buildings at the rear of the college. The site was cleared and some prefabricated huts were constructed. They were intended purely as temporary accommodation, and a promise was made that new permanent buildings would be put up after the war. The promise was eventually fulfilled - almost half a century after the end of the Second World War. In the meantime various college departments were allocated rooms in the huts. The history department received one room, which came to be known as 'Siberia'.
New staff in the history department would be placed in this room on first arrival. If they were lucky, after a year or two, they would be moved to a better room in the history department in the main building. Cool even in summer, the room lived up to its nickname in winter. The concrete walls and metal-framed windows did not keep out the cold. The ancient portable electric heater provided by the college only warmed you if you stood directly in front of it. To add to the joy, the flat roof of the hut often leaked during heavy rain. Many times Tom had to use his metal waste paper bin to collect the water dripping down in one corner of the room.
There was a desk, three chairs, a table, a filing cabinet, and a bookcase in the room. The only attractive feature of the room was its elegant wooden parquet flooring, a remnant of its destroyed predecessor, but even this was partly covered by a cheap carpet. A grim setting in many ways, the room sometimes witnessed passionate love-making on its floor if Tom and Kate could not wait to get to Tom's flat in Camden Town. It was either in the room or in the flat that the young couple got careless. Soon Kate announced that she was pregnant. The news soon spread around the college and Tom was summoned to a meeting with the head of the history department.
Professor Leonard Grimshaw was in his fifties, tall and heavily built. Few of his colleagues had much respect for his abilities as a historian, but he was a good money man. His success in getting grants from research foundations and private donors made him popular with both the department and the college. A Catholic with five children, he liked to project himself as a good family man, a defender of firm moral values. Yet he was also a ladies man, ready to pursue any attractive female at an academic conference, and especially at conferences held abroad.
Grimshaw's interview with Tom was short and not sweet. Tom was a fool to seduce a student and a complete idiot to get her pregnant, said the professor. Tom's choice now was simple: marry the girl or be dismissed from the college. Grimshaw added that should Tom choose the latter option, the professor would personally make sure he never got another job at a British university. Tom had no choice but to take the first option, but he and Kate had always intended to marry anyway. They did not invite Professor Grimshaw to their wedding. The old hypocrite also made it clear to Tom that he would not be escaping from 'Siberia' while Grimshaw remained head of the history department.
Tom was almost ready to accept that punishment for his sins, but then fate intervened. It was discovered that Professor Grimshaw had been receiving special payments from rich donors in return for getting student places for their children at the college. Tom looked forward to seeing the professor destroyed by the scandal, but then Grimshaw suddenly died of a heart attack and the college hushed up his financial misconduct. Jerry O'Brien took over as department head, and since he disliked Grimshaw almost as much as Tom did, the new boss was happy to liberate Tom from 'Siberia'. Tom was given a small room in the main building, and after a few years he moved on to a larger one, the room he was now vacating.
The porters removed the last boxes from the room and Tom went to the departmental office to tie up a few bureaucratic loose ends now that his academic career was effectively over. As ever, Valerie was helpful and efficient. Her predecessor had been a real dragon lady, inspiring fear among the academic staff. Some of the younger ones would only dare to go into the office to check their mailboxes at lunchtime when they knew the dragon lady would not be there. Valerie, in contrast, was well liked by everybody and the soul of discretion. It was only after some years that Tom had learned she lived with someone called Terry and more years passed before Valerie admitted that Terry was not a man but another woman. Tom was not the sort of person to make moral judgements about other people's private lives, especially given the problems with his own.
However, Tom did relish the memory of one incident involving Valerie. There was once a temporary lecturer in the department called Joe Williams and he was flamboyantly gay. Once he learned of Valerie's domestic setup, he enthusiastically invited Valerie and Terry to join a Gay Pride march he was organising. Tom still smiled at the memory of the look of horror that came to Valerie's face when contemplating this suggestion.
'No', she said emphatically. 'We keep ourselves to ourselves, and that's the way we like it.'
Joe went off to a university in Australia and Valerie remained the soul of discretion.
Tom knew that Valerie was only a few years younger than himself and that she would be retiring soon. He asked her what she and Terry were going to do then.
'Oh, Terry wanted to get a house in Spain, but I said no. It's just too hot down there. We're going to move to the south coast instead.'
'Brighton?', asked Tom.
Valerie gave him a knowing smile and replied: 'No, Tom, we're buying a house in Eastbourne.'
Tom nodded, and they lapsed into silence for a moment. Then Valerie said: 'I was sorry the way Cora dismissed you.'
'Me too', said Tom, trying to smile. 'Now I have no job and trouble on the home front as well.'
'Really?', said Valerie, hoping to hear more, but Tom would not elaborate.
'Yes, it's all rather depressing', said Tom.
'Whenever I feel really down', said Valerie, 'I like to think back to those times in my life when I have been truly happy, and such memories always cheer me up.'
'Maybe I'll try that', Tom said, smiling at Valerie as he left her office.
Tom returned to his own now largely empty room and slumped in the chair behind his desk.
When was I most happy?, he thought. Early days with Mary? Most of his years with Kate? When the children were born? So many memories. But then something lit a fire in his mind. Paris. Madeleine. Her blue eyes. Her wicked sense of humour. Her yellow umbrella. In those few weeks with her so long ago Tom could say he had been totally happy. If only he could somehow reconnect with that girl and the feelings he had for her.
